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 | Procyon Herald - Issue 66: Swine FLU |  | |
Issue 66: Swine FLU
09-24-2009 19:59
We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this report from the Procyon Herald.
A catastrophic outbreak of swine flu was recently reported on a neighboring server. Officials have estimated the number of crashes to be in the thousands, and a complete server wipe is rumored to have occurred. Refugees continue to stream out of the devastated server. Disheveled and distraught, many have found their way to the more stable skies of Procyon, where they continue to arrive on Ellis Island, of Planet Manhattan.
“I can’t tell you how greatly relieved we are to be here,” stated newly arrived Banzai. “Though there will no doubt be a bit of an orientation period, we’re looking forward to getting acclimatized, and living the Procyon Dream!”
Following their arrival, many of the refugees lacked basic provisions. (Cannonballs, Nomads, Eagles, and such.) Fortunately, Reverend’s Rogues were on hand to greet them and ease them into their new home.
“On behalf of The Reverend’s Rogues Welcome Committee, I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome you noobs to Procyon,” stated {Rev}Broll, Acting Deputy Director of Rogue Charitable Donations, Texas Division. “All noobs are requested to purchase a full cargo-hold’s worth of loot, er… cargo, before proceeding to Texas where a Rogue ‘buddy’ will be assigned to you. Once there, please be sure to dock, to save time.”
Elsewhere in the galaxy, the Procyon Herald has received reports of renewed Zombie activity in the Outer Systems. Perhaps not surprisingly, this has coincided with several reported Org sightings. Or rather, the remains of charred space debris, floating around Omicron Beta – presumed to be the residue from brief, yet violent, Org sightings…
Anticipating a resurgence of life (and, we suppose, ‘un-life’) in the Outer Systems, the trading clan known as the Sores has resumed operations, supplying and provisioning the various bases and outposts scattered among the galaxy’s more remote systems.
“We take great pride in supplying all of life’s essentials, to whomever may be in need,” stated clan spokesman, Rock Sore. “Water, oxygen, pharmaceuticals – no cargo is too basic. And no faction is too disreputable. We supply them all.”
Upon hearing the news that the Sores were back, the recalcitrant Rogue known as Ravenous buried his head in his hands. “The sores are back…the sores are back…Aye, the cursed sores are back! Every so often they flare up and bring me nothing but pain and misery! ‘Wear protection’ the Reverend advised. But did I listen? Nooooooo. And now I’m stuck with these wretched sores for the rest of my misbegotten life…. Eh? What’s that ye say? Ye weren’t referring to viral sores, but the clan??? Aye, well, I suppose it’s not such a bad thing to have those lads back. Whatever,” he sniffed.
Regular readers of the Procyon Herald may recall the last issue of the newspaper, in which was included a report on the great gala to commemorate the server’s final farewell. The gala, held at the Admin Mansion on Manhattan, was a stupendous success. As it turned out however, the server never did close. Asked to comment, Admin Sion had this to say: “To paraphrase the great Mark Twain, news of our death has been greatly exaggerated. Populations are slowly returning, and a few server events are in the not-too-distant offing.”
The first such event, unofficially known as “Gamma Bowl III”, is tentatively scheduled for Saturday, October 3. Although specific details are still being worked out, the proposed prize list is intriguing to say the least.
“Apart from ludicrous amounts of cash prizes, we are finally in a position to be able to offer the winning pilots something we’ve never been able to offer before,” Sion explained. “One of the prizes being considered is a customized ship light arrangement. Basically, the winner will be able to pimp his or her ride.”
This segues nicely into another headline story which we continue to investigate – namely, the gradual development and release of ProcyonHook – a client-side download that integrates directly with a pilot’s copy of the Freelancer game CD.
Admin Zephyr, owner of the Procyon server, had this to say of the Hook: “ProcyonHook delivers new features, extended functionality, and enhanced graphics to your Freelancer experience while playing on Procyon. It is not a mod - you will look in vain for any capital ships, TIE Fighters, nuclear weapons, cloaking devices, etc… We offer no beam cannons, or any other such nonsense. What we are offering is the best possible vanilla Freelancer experience available.”
He went on: “Among its various offerings, ProcyonHook offers users improved graphical elements; Up to 8 character slots; Access to unlocked systems such as Omicrons Minor and Major; and in future, we are looking at the possibility of making certain “vanilla” NPC ships accessible to actual players – possibly including Juni’s Defender, and the Blood Dragon, er…Dragon.”
“But perhaps the best feature of the Hook,” Zephyr continued, “is its built-in anti-cheat solution. ProcyonHook prevents players who are using it from editing exploitable game data.”
“For a server that prides itself on its stability as a PVP platform,” we agreed, “that sounds like a great feature. But how do you know if someone has ProcyonHook, and is therefore certified as a non-cheater?”
“When a player is using ProcyonHook,” Zephyr replied, “every other player connected to the server using ProcyonHook has their name highlighted on the player list in a bright, vibrant orange. This allows those skilled players that are frequently accused of cheating to step up and prove that their game is legit.”
Reporting as I am from the observation deck of Freeport 5 (conveniently situated in the base bar), I can personally attest to the breath-taking graphical improvements. It’s not too much of a stretch to suggest that, once you try it, you’ll be ProcyonHooked.
For the Herald, this is Ravenwood, signing off.
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| Admiral Mank on 09-25-2009 13:16:51 | | |
Awesome! | | | | |
| RTFM on 09-25-2009 14:54:50 | | |
*buys 2 copies* | | | | |
| Carb on 09-25-2009 14:57:53 | | |
Haha! Procyonhooked! Aren't we all... | | | | |
| =AnthraxZombie=[X] on 09-25-2009 19:31:34 | | |
...ZoUnDz! iN tHiS aGe oF BaNaLiTy aNd sOmNaMbULiStiC tHiNkiNg iT iZ iNdEeD rEfReShiNg tO sEe sOmEoNe KeEpiNg ThEiR CoGiTaTiVe aBiLiTiEz iN tOp OrDeR! i SiMpLy MuSt SaMpLe rAvEnWoOdZz HeMiSpHeRiC SoFtWaRe tO SeE iF iT iZ iNdEed aZ fLaVoRFuL aZ iT iZ eNtiCiNg.....
...HaVe aN eXcEpTiOnaL dAy! =} | | | | |
| JohnConner on 09-26-2009 21:39:32 | | |
The Herald is back! Hurrah! | | | | |
| Cobalt_Cougar on 09-29-2009 18:46:29 | | |
Just would never be the same with you here with us! | | | | |
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