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 | Procyon Herald - Issue 28: Nuclear Fallout |  | |
Issue 28: Nuclear Fallout
12-20-2006 23:40
Welcome to the Procyon Herald, where smiles are always free. Beneath the spam, flames and sordid character assassinations, some news managed to percolate to the point of being news-worthy.
Topping the week’s list of notable events, server admins have announced the launch of a new mod which will allow for cargo and un-mounted weaponry and equipment (no ammo) to be dropped, upon being killed. Up to 12 un-mounted items and up to a maximum of 139 units of cargo (roughly half a drom-load) can now be looted from the debris fields of vanquished players. As with the French Revolution, it is still far too early to determine what impact this will have on the world, but one thing is certain – the pirates are very happy. “Arrr, this be what we’ve been waiting for, laddie,” the Brigantines Captain said upon hearing the news. “Now we can supplement our murderin’ with honest-to-goodness misbegotten gains. I plan on usin’ the proceeds to buy me wench some new fishnet stockings to wear whilst she polishes me cannon, and a new mop with which to swab the deck after the battle.” It could well be that we never again hear the dreaded word, “Tax.”
In other news, the Alliance defeat at the recent Battle of Magellan resulted in a strange series of events. Shortly after losing the system to the Brigantines, the Killer Bees announced they were attacking the Org system of Omicron Beta, presumably as retribution for the Org’s decision to assist the pirate Brigantines in the Magellan battle. The Scorpions, also of the Alliance, declared an attack on the other Org system of Omicron Alpha. Conceding that the Org could not be beaten in battle, Alliance leader Vice Admiral Mank threatened to “annoy” the Org to death by launching wave upon wave of Alliance kamikazes into the Org systems, continuing the assault until the Org were driven from the server by the constant pestering. When it appeared that the Org were not about to be cowed by this strategy, the Alliance quickly sued for peace. Org special negotiator Fgt was brought in to stick-handle the peace talks. The end result was the forfeiture of the Scorpion system of Sigma 17 to the neutral Procyon Herald (for the record, we took no part in the negotiations), and the transfer of a very sizable sum of money from the Alliance to the Org, payable in weekly transfer payments. In addition, the Admiral had to agree to prohibit any Alliance pilots from entering Omicron Beta ever again. They are still permitted to enter Omicron Alpha, but only at the pleasure of the Org, and then, only for the purpose of being hunted by bored Org men.
Asked for comment, Org spokesman Crescens had this to say of the debacle: “Mank made a mistake. Despite what many people think, everyone makes mistakes at some point or another. The Vice Admiral has my respect because he was able to see, and admit that he’d made a mistake - something that few people seem capable of doing. Negotiations for peace following the realization of his mistake flowed forth easily as both sides of the brief conflict had every desire for a peaceful and mutually beneficial solution. As a result of our negotiations, those within the Organization look forward to continued peaceful interaction with all current members of the Alliance.”
For his part, the Admiral weighed in with the following statement: “The battle of Magellan was won by the Org, bottom-line. The declaration of war afterwards was needed, but the Org claimed they would wipe the server with us, and we opened up talks for terms. The whole situation really pisses me off because we are at their mercy. We either try to get along with them, or they will make this game miserable for everyone. They threatened to take every Alliance system, then go to every non-alliance system, and just torch the place.” He went on, “It says on the Org’s clan page everyone is welcome to declare war on them, but apparently not.”
From his vantage point on the sidelines, Rogue leader and part-time Brigantine Reverend offered the following observation: “I do believe the punishment was mild compared to what it could have been, and if Mank returns to his old ways he will pay dearly for it. There is growing dissent in the Alliance ranks, and upcoming philanthropic groups will serve as a growing example that there is a better way to tackle harassment and exploitation in Sirius.”
On the subject of Mank’s leadership, a new opinion poll was conducted this week on the Alliance board to gauge the Admiral’s approval rating. Reports suggest that the Admiral’s approval rating has slipped from the lofty heights it once held, dropping from an overall rating of “Great” to one somewhere between “good” and “needs improvement”. However, given the tough week the Alliance has had, first with the loss of Magellan, then the lop-sided peace resolution with the Org, and now with the apparent rupture and departure of the DCR, it’s no wonder the Admiral’s approval rating has slipped. Said the Admiral: “I really hate those opinion polls, but after the loss of an Alliance system, and the heated drama on the forums what else can you expect?”
Excellent question, good reader. Excellent question. For the Procyon Herald, this is war correspondent Ravenwood, signing off.
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| Sacrilege on 12-21-2006 11:06:45 | | |
Excellent piece. Made me think I was reading a CNN transcript. :p Good stuff as usual, Ravenwood. | | | | |
| Cardinal on 12-21-2006 22:11:11 | | |
I take offense to the part saying "rupture and departure of the DCR." The DCR didn't leave and that report has made a member leave my clan. | | | | |
| 33comander on 12-22-2006 14:25:49 | | |
The alliance is falling to pieces. I consider Mank a friend but I dont think he wil be able to hold his little group together much longer. If they would like to stay together I think they will need new leadership. | | | | |
| Reverend on 12-22-2006 20:41:14 | | |
Mistakes are there to be learnt from. If you don't change for the better, you always pay for it. | | | | |
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