|
 | Procyon Herald - Issue 41: Gamma Bowl II |  | |
Issue 41: Gamma Bowl II
02-05-2007 01:22
Planet Crete, Omicron Gamma.
The trumpets blared a raucous fanfare, introducing the 14 chivalrous gladiators about to take centre stage in this second player vs. player tournament, Gamma Bowl II. With the banners flapping lazily in the solar breeze, three Avid Tokers led the way into the arena: Cheech, Kief and hash. Behind them came the WR/)ITHS, Jade, Furby, Princess, Gonzo and Carburetor. Then the Cobalts, Bronco and Platypus, followed by Polish Mafia C-64, ArchAngel 473x, Nocturnal Zombie, and finally, rushing in from Omega 41, Buckethead. Asked what took him, he replied, “ ”.
The smoke came thick from the various bowls in the audience. It was like a Grateful Dead concert. Except in space. Without a band. And, uh, more guns. But the smoke was thick and pungent! And although we couldn’t see him, we could hear Server Admin Sion coughing in his invisible ship, somewhere nearby.
“Gentlemen, and Princess, start your engines!” he cried. (*cough, cough*). “Okay, first up: hash and Cheech. Let’s get this show on the road.” (*cough*) “Go! Kill!”
The two guns-only Sabres approached each other on a slow, deliberate run, strafing left and right to throw off their opponent's targeting computer while bringing their own guns to bear. The two Tokers made their first pass, both inflicting damage on the other. Hash spun around quicker, but the magnitude of Cheech’s guns, augmented by the forward-firing turret, spun the Toker faster than hash had anticipated. Momentarily off balance, Cheech ran in and finished him off. The first battle of Round One was over.
Jade and Nocturnal Zombie would face off in the second match, both flying Eagles. An epic battle they had, the skies electrified with nomad fire. In the end though, Jade prevailed, vanquishing the Zombie and keeping his brains intact.
The third match pitted Kief against the lovable Furby – a favourite with the children. Unfortunately, the children were horrified to witness Kief vaporizing their favourite toy’s Sabre, sending tufts of fur, beaks and batteries across the cosmos in a spectacular explosion. “I love you,” came the pre-recorded message from Furby’s voice box.
Cobalt_Platypus faced off against Polish Mafia C-64 in the fourth match. C-64 had anticipated this match-up prior to the tournament, and had spent the last hour before the tournament in the bar with Platypus. “Here, have a vodka,” he’d said to the Cobalt. “It’s my birthday, and you absolutely must join me in a shot of iced vodka. Come on, don’t be a wuss. Here, have another. Polish tradition. Drink up. Na zdrowie!” The vodka worked its magic, and on his way to the hangar, Platypus mistakenly got into the wrong ship. Finding himself in a guns-only ship, he took the field against the vodka swilling gangster. C-64 worked his advantage to defeat the rather inebriated Platypus in this first round.
The fifth match-up pitted another Cobalt, this time, Bronco, against Carburetor – the winner of the Crete Rally. The two circled each other, looking for the perfect moment to strike. The crowds that had assembled were cheering for Carburetor – his victory at the Crete Rally had won him many fans among the Corsairs. And he did not disappoint. With a throaty growl, he blasted Bronco to take his first match.
The next pair to take the field was a match-up of two Wraiths, Gonzo and Princess. The two fell upon each other like two enraged banshees, unleashed from the Gates of Hell. While they both fought valiantly, Gonzo unfortunately tripped on his own nose and Her Highness used the opportunity to strike him down.
The final match-up of the first round pitted the ArchAngel 473x against the chatty Buckethead. Buckethead wished 473x good luck in sign language, and the two came crashing together. Fire, dodge, strafe, thrust, fire again! The sparks flew, both inflicting major hits upon the other. Writhing out of a lethal barrage of incoming fire, 473x let off a cruise disruptor, momentarily killing Bucket’s drift. The window was all he needed to fire a last shot which sent Buckethead skittering across the sky in a ball of flames. The first round was over.
The Second Round commenced, this time, with the winners bracket. Cheech and Jade squared off, and again, Cheech’s guns-only Sabre proved too much for the captain of the Wraiths.
Sion could still be heard coughing in his ship, which apparently was sitting in a haze of toker smoke. The contact high must have gotten to him, for at this point, an uncharacteristic administrative error occurred. “Furby and 64, (*cough*) you’re next.” Astute readers will recall that the lovable Furby had fallen in the first round. But apparently, Kief was too busy with his bowl to notice. In any case, Furby flew out to meet the Polish terror. In a match that had the children on their feet cheering, the lovable Furby defeated C-64, sending pierogies flying in all directions.
Carb is a gentleman, so it was with great regret that he destroyed Princess in the next match-up.
At this point, the Mercenary ThatOneGuy stepped in to fill the 8th roster spot which had opened up when Gonzo lived up to his name and took off, following his first round defeat to the Princess. Facing off against 473x, he made the most of his opportunity, shooting the Angel down in a mass of flames.
The next match up pitted Cheech against Furby, and a classic Sabre vs. Sabre duel ensued. The two battled hard, but once again, Cheech would prevail.
Next, ThatOneGuy faced off against Carb, and again, the mercenary would come out on top, serving up Carb’s first loss of the evening. But the merc’s luck was about to run out, as Sion announced he would fight Cheech in the next match. Cheech’s Sabre had proven itself 3 times already, and once again, the Sabre was true, shattering ThatOneGuy after a classic fight to the death.
Cheech stayed out for the final match up of the round, this time facing off against his fellow Toker Kief (who by now had finished his bowl). The fight was fast and furious, but Cheech recorded his 5th straight victory, destroying Kief’s Eagle in a puff of green smoke.
Enter Round Three. Hash and Nocturnal Zombie faced off in the first match up. The Zombie destroyed hash, feasting on the Toker’s herbally enhanced brain.
Kief faced Platypus in the next match. By now, Platypus was sobering up, and this time came out in the right fighter – complete with missiles. The two squared off, and Kief (who hadn’t anticipated the missiles) was shot out of the sky by Platypus. It was his second defeat, and Kief was eliminated from the tournament.
The next match-up produced another blank, and your humble correspondent selflessly agreed to step into the breach, facing Cobalt_Bronco. We circled each other a few moments, each trying to spot a weakness in the other’s defense. Then we charged, Eagle versus Hammerhead. In a flash, we’d stripped each other of all shields, and set about clawing and scraping at each other like two rabid animals. My double lancer load out packed a bigger punch than Bronco had expected, bringing him near to hull breach. It was a good, close fight, but in the end Bronco prevailed, knocking the wings off my Hammerhead and scattering my notes every which direction before vaporizing me.
Next up came Nocturnal Zombie and Platypus. Nocturnal Zombie was still digesting hash’s herbally enhanced brain, and was a bit, er…sluggish. Platypus streaked in and vanquished him, serving up the Zombie’s second defeat of the night, and bringing his run to an end.
The next match up pitted Jade against the Slavic slaughterhouse C-64. C-64 fought bravely, but in the end, the Wraith prevailed, destroying the Polish gangster and eliminating him from the tournament.
“Princess against Buckethead,” called Sion. Buckethead marched forth, but the Princess remained stationary. “Uh, Princess against Buckethead!” he called again. Still no response. It turned out she was reapplying her makeup in her dressing room. No matter, a moment later, she arrived and the battle began. It didn’t last long though – Buckethead annihilated her. Like a true gentleman, however, he didn’t gloat. In fact, he didn’t say much of anything at all.
Jade faced Bronco in the next match, and again, a superb battle was fought. It was close, but Bronco galloped his way to victory, bucking Jade from his Eagle and sending him skittering into the Crete atmosphere.
Next came Carburetor against Buckethead. An awe-inspiring display of skill and finesse it was, but Buckethead triumphed, defeating the Wraith, and ending Carb’s run, much to the chagrin of the Corsair belles who’d come out to cheer on their hero.
Platypus and Bronco faced off next. The two Cobalts fought tooth and nail, well familiar with each other’s fighting styles. By now though, the effects of the vodka had completely worn off, giving a slight edge to Platypus who used it to blast Bronco from the sky, eliminating him.
The next four match-ups pitted Buckethead against a series of challengers. First came 473x in a rematch from the First Round. This time, Buckethead would emerge victorious. The next match pitted Buckethead against Platypus. Again, the silent ace dispatched his foe, ending Platypus’s glorious run. In the penultimate match, Buckethead would face the Mercenary, ThatOneGuy. The two fought bravely, but by now, Buckethead was on a roll, and he would not be denied. In spectacular fashion, he melted the Mercenary’s fuselage, breaching his hull and scattering his remains across the amber nebula.
Enter the final round. Avid Toker Cheech sat back in his Sabre, finishing off the last remains in his bowl and cracking his knuckles. Buckethead remained silent as always, but signed ‘good luck’. Sion gave the word, and the two fell upon each other with gusto, striking, parrying, twirling and falling back, only to dash in again. The match truly featured the best of the best. Cheech had not yet been defeated, outgunning 5 successive pilots so far. Buckethead had fallen once, but had followed that loss up with 5 successive victories of his own.
The two continued swirling and striking, almost poetic in their prowess. Buckethead’s Eagle had the advantage in turning speed, but he couldn’t quite use it to the full effect, as the weight of Cheech’s guns kept him from getting in too close. Eventually though, with shields stripped bare away, he was left with no other alternative and made a last, headlong dash through Cheech’s barrage of lethal cannon fire. Cheech’s aim was true, and he obliterated the charging Eagle.
The match, and the tournament, was over.
The crowd was stunned. Or maybe just stoned. In any case, it was a moment or two before the audience realized it was all over. When they finally did, they sang forth their approval with a great roar of appreciation, cheering Cheech for his victory, and hallooing their approval for the amazing spectacle they’d just witnessed.
For the Herald, this is Ravenwood, signing off.
Back to the main page | |  | |  |
| Cheech on 02-05-2007 02:49:46 | | |
Great article. One thing - hash flew a sabre - your article says he flew an eagle against me. Gfs everyone. | | | | |
| Tolrick on 02-05-2007 03:41:03 | | |
And if anyone's going to keep track, we now have two official Aces.
Cheech and Buckethead. | | | | |
| Kief on 02-05-2007 07:27:42 | | |
addendum re: hash's sabre: also g/o :) | | | | |
| Ravenwood on 02-05-2007 09:34:07 | | |
Thanks Cheech. I was sure I'd miss something! Corrected. If anyone else spots any inaccuracy, please let me know. | | | | |
| Jade on 02-05-2007 11:55:40 | | |
You screwed up the (\ in Wraiths. *gasps* | | | | |
| Jade on 02-05-2007 11:56:30 | | |
Other than that, GFs everyone. Was much fun. Someone needs to get Sion a program to do the brackets so he doesn't have to use MSPaint. | | | | |
| Furby on 02-05-2007 12:28:18 | | |
Just my luck that I happened to be sick this weekend... oh well. Gfs and nice job, Ravenwood. | | | | |
| Cobalt Bronco on 02-05-2007 18:54:36 | | |
I was sick, tired and on the ass-end of a coffee buzz but still had a great time.
The win was for a guns only pilot, that deserves an honorable mention! | | | | |
| Thawn on 02-06-2007 19:35:16 | | |
Man this wouldve ben fun to watch | | | | |
| 473x on 02-07-2007 00:25:56 | | |
It was wonderful fights indeed, although I have to say during my second round of fighting with the signer I kept hitting back thrust instead of engine kill. I think the toker smoke might have filled my cockpit without me knowing.... How much of that stuff did they release into the environment anyway? Bet it might take a few gulls out. | | | | |
| Unknown on 02-09-2007 07:01:13 | | |
The Demon of Razgriz is coming! | | | | |
Add your comment:
|
