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 | Procyon Herald - Issue 51: Procyon's Most Wanted |  | |
Issue 51: Procyon's Most Wanted
05-07-2007 14:44
Welcome to the Procyon Herald, coming to you live from the beer gardens of Omega 41. Topping today’s news, a convoy of cardamine traders filed claims this morning at Interspace Commerce’s insurance office for losses sustained when their shipment of “medicinal-purpose” cardy was caught in the cross fire between Procyon vigilante groups and the sobriety-challenged Polish Mafia. “We were just flying through Magellan, as one does, minding our own business,” explained trader spokesman Reciprocity, “when out of nowhere, we found ourselves under fire from a bloodthirsty ensemble of Drakes and Eagles, and even a wayward Bloodhound.” The carnage apparently extended to four rounds of combat, by which point, the vigilante ‘alliance’ of Cobalts and Law-Wraiths had secured space superiority over their enemies. The Polish Mafia was banished to Procyon’s fringe, ensuring that Cardamine remains a luxury exclusive to only the most law-abiding elements of Procyon society.
Not to be left homeless, The Don immediately cast his eyes towards the murky system of Tau 23, former home of the evil OuTcAsT clan, and another source for the illegal narcotic. “At first I was pretty pissed,” confessed the Slavic Terror, “until I realized that Cali Cardy is actually much cheaper and – even better – uncut. Not like that Mactan crap they ship into New York.”
With the system of Tau 23 back in the news, one is reminded of the Dark Times when Procyon netizens ventured into the system at their own peril, for fear of meeting their fate at the business end of an OuTcAsT kraken 2. Upon further reflection, one soon realizes that, perhaps for the first time in its history, the skies of Procyon are controlled not by villainous cutthroats and thieves, thugs or pirates. Nay - Instead, they are regularly patrolled by the virtuous clans who swear to uphold the law. Gone are the chilling pigtails, seen hanging from either side of Chiyo-Chan’s murderous Patriot. No longer must one squeal and beg Hoarse for mercy, only to be answered by a silence which spoke volumes (invariably followed by a fatal barrage of incoming fire). In vain would you listen for the swaggering “Arr!” of Brigantines Captain. (Indeed, it is said the price of rum has tumbled to historic lows due to lack of demand.) Omicron Beta is all but free from any Org activity. Even the impetuous Rogues of light fighter fame have all but disappeared, leaving noobs to gape about in disbelief.
But at what price does this new-found security come? Paradoxically, population levels have dropped to dangerous lows. Several theories have been offered as to why this may be the case, but the Herald believes one theory stands head-and-shoulders above the rest:
“What this place needs is a villainous bastard,” offered the mercenary November. “A cold blooded, ruthless son-of-a-bitch who won’t shy away from murdering anyone or anything unfortunate enough to be caught on his targeting computer. Someone who’d delight in killing his victim at least 20 or 30 times before allowing them to limp out of the system, on fire, without thrusters, following them all the way whilst hurling insults and offering lurid descriptions of how he ravaged their mama the previous night, and how much she enjoyed it. Yep, that’s what this place needs: A villain who can rekindle some drama and add some spice and flavour back into a sanitized, sterilized equation. How boring would Robin Hood have been were it not for the dastardly Sheriff of Nottingham? Imagine Star Wars without Darth Vader, or the Simpsons without Mr. Burns.”
So what to do? Who will step up and answer the call? Who will become Procyon’s next Most Wanted?
For the Herald, this is Ravenwood, signing off.
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| Admiral Mank on 05-07-2007 15:18:26 | | |
Procyon's Most wanted, I expected to hear my name somewhere. Its kinda hard lurking in the shadows all the time unable to reveal oneself. Good Job to the Wraiths. As I heard they mangled the Pirates, reminds me of the good old days of pirate bashing in Magellan. Wish I could have been there, but I was at work. | | | | |
| Reverend on 05-07-2007 23:46:51 | | |
They did have an advantage over the mafia, though. But still, it was fun to chance upon a battle (first i heard was when i got a group invite hehe) and send my Bloodhound in to be a nuisance. A good way to announce that I wasn't dead, at least.
As for lurking in the shadows, it doesn't sound all that difficult to me. Obscurity is a peaceful place to linger in.. maybe you picked a rough spot? | | | | |
| Jade on 05-08-2007 11:15:39 | | |
Actually Reverend, I don't believe we did. We only had 6 pilots, and the mafia had 7. I remember that in the last round, both sides had 5 vhfs, and we only had 1 lf, while the mafia had two. | | | | |
| Reverend on 05-08-2007 19:40:49 | | |
Actually let's look at it with an even greater level of detail.. i was flying a bloodhound.. bladerunner flew a defender.. so we were *outgunned* if you compare classes and ship strengths.. despite having 1 more LF.
cmon now, let's not get into the habit of splitting hairs.. it was a fun fight and advantage is more about just numbers. i must say i didnt realize just how important it was to you :p | | | | |
| Reverend on 05-08-2007 21:01:27 | | |
bladerunner flew a piranha, i mean. woopsie. | | | | |
| Admiral Mank on 05-08-2007 23:14:04 | | |
Come on Reverend, when has Peaceful, and my name ever been used in the same sentence? I am just tired of lurking thats all. I can say at least I have found out alot of my boys are still loyal to me. Dark times are ahead? I think they are aready here. Procyon was at its peak during my reign, once I left, there was a steady decline. I think my arrival, and that of the Alliance, will reign in a new era for Procyon. If you love procyon, then welcome me, and my friends back. | | | | |
| RTFM on 05-09-2007 17:26:08 | | |
Get over yourself, Mank. It was at a steady decline before you left. The only era your 'arrival' could possibly bring is an era of idiocy.
With that said, if RTFM is online, the rest of ya can be assured you will die. >:D | | | | |
| JohnConner on 05-10-2007 14:29:03 | | |
Promises, promises.... | | | | |
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